Too Porcine to Put to Death

Obesity leads to death, right?  Except, maybe, if you’re on death row.

I read an article this morning about Ohio death row inmate Ronald Post.  At 480 pounds, his legal defense is trying to avoid execution, arguing that any attempt to kill him via lethal injection would likely result in a “torturous and lingering death.”  From everything I’ve read, his current physical state could be described as a torturous and lingering death.

 

Apparently, the “too fat to be executed” defense has worked on occasion in the past.  In 1994, Mitchell Rupe, at over 400 pounds, was considered too hefty to hang in the state of Washington due to the risk of decapitation.   

Ok.  Let’s start with the obvious.  I’m not sure if the gentlemen mentioned were obese at initial incarceration or if it happened gradually overtime.  I mean, college freshmen tend to pack on 15 pounds during their first year of college.  Since prison is at least ten times worse and even more expensive than college, maybe new inmates pack on 10 times the weight - or 150 pounds - during their first year of incarceration.  But how on earth does someone reach or maintain that kind of weight in prison?  What are they feeding these guys?  Are death row inmates given a weekly ration of a 25 pound bucket of lard and spoon?  

 

Let’s look at Mitchell Rupe.  He actually avoided being hanged and lived another 12 years before dying in prison.  Here’s my question, though:  Is being decapitated really a more cruel and unusual death than just being hanged?  Judicial hanging typically uses a long-drop method, so that the person falls fast enough and long enough to instantly break his neck at the end of the fall.  In this scenario, the person loses consciousness in about a second or so.  Brain death occurs a few minutes later, and the death process is complete in about 15 – 20 minutes.  With decapitation, the brain tends to lose its electrical charge and cease functioning in less than a minute.  Other than it causing a bloody mess, I’m not convinced that decapitation is worse than hanging.

And, finally, let’s get back to the current case of Ronald Post.  Ohio uses lethal injection as its means of judicial execution, but Mr. Post’s defense has argued that lethal injection is too difficult to administer to a man of his size.  For instance, they state that the execution gurney won’t support his weight.  Can’t they borrow a gurney from one of the bariatric surgery centers in nearby Columbus, OH?  They also argue that starting the IV and administering the correct dosage to kill him will be difficult.  These, too, are specious arguments.  If you’re not sure how much pentobarbital to give Mr. Post, just triple or quadruple the amount you gave to last guy you successfully executed and that should do the trick.  If you can’t find someone skilled enough to start an IV in him, call a freakin’ equine vet.  If an equine vet can successfully euthanized an 1,100 pound horse, I’m pretty sure he/she could take out a 480 murderer.   

 

Seriously.  If Texas can executive an intellectually disabled man with an IQ of 61, surely Ohio can figure out how to lethally inject a fat man.

 

If we fat people want social acceptance, we have to stop insisting on special treatment.  Man up, big boy, and take your punishment.

That being said, if his defense works, I'll totally remember to pack on another 150 pounds before planning a killing spree.  

________________________________________

NOTE:  In all seriousness, I favor abolishing the death penalty (and not just for fat criminals).  For more information, check out the NCADP.  

 

 

 

Don't Amputate My Penis (DAMP) Order

After reading a recent headline about a man who had his penis surgically removed with direct consent, a facebook friend sent out a request that no one allow a surgeon to amputate his penis without his consent.  In order to help his cause, I have created the form below (modeled after the Kentucky Do Not Resuscitate Order).  I'm calling it the Kentucky "Don't Amputate My Penis" (DAMP) Order.

Kentucky Emergency Medical Services

Don’t Amputate My Penis (DAMP) Order

Person's Full Legal Name _______________________________________________________________

Surrogate's Full Legal Name (if applicable) _________________________________________________

I, the undersigned person or surrogate who has been designated to make health care decisions in accordance with Kentucky Revised Statutes, hereby direct that in the event of my unconsciousness that this DON’T AMPUTATE MY PENIS (DAMP) ORDER be honored. I understand that DAMP means that if my penis appears to have morphed into cancerous cauliflower, no medical procedure to remove my vegetable penis will be started by surgical personnel. 

I understand this decision will not prevent medical personnel from providing other medical care that does not involve the removal of my penis.

I understand that I may revoke this DAMP order at any time by destroying this form, removing the DAMP

bracelet, or by telling the surgical personnel that I want my penis to be amputated.

Any attempt to alter or change the content, names, or signatures on the DAMP form shall make the DAMP form invalid.

I understand that this form, or a standard DAMP bracelet must be available and must be shown to surgical personnel immediately. If the form or bracelet is not provided, the surgical personnel will follow their normal penis-amputating protocols.

I understand that should I die, surgical personnel will require this form and/or bracelet for their records.

I give permission for information about this DAMP Order to be given to the pre-hospital emergency

medical care personnel, physicians, nurses, or other health care personnel as necessary to implement this directive.

I hereby state that this Don’t Amputate My Penis (DAMP) Order is my authentic wish not be amputated.

_______________________________________

Person/Legal Surrogate Signature

________________________________

Date

Commonwealth of Kentucky County of ________________________

Subscribed and sworn to before me by ________________________________ to be his/her own free act and deed, this _________ day of ___________________________, 20_________.

___________________________________, Notary Public

My commission expires: __________________________

In lieu of having this Form notarized, it may be witnessed by two persons not related to the

individual noted above.

WITNESSED BY:

1. __________________________________________________

2. __________________________________________________