Facial Hair

If you know me, you know that I was once married to a man.  Now that man dates guys and I date women.  (This fact, I think, makes my opposite-sex marriage a gay marriage, doesn’t it?  Just something to think about.)

I knew I was a lesbian before I married him all those years ago, and he knew I was too.  Why, then, were we attracted enough to each other to get hitched?

I can’t speak for my ex-husband, but I think, in some ways, I was his starter boyfriend.  Being with me was kind of like being with a guy, but my vagina made it socially acceptable.  When he eventually came out to his mother last year, he even told her that being with me was basically like being with a guy, because, as he told her, “Tami likes outdoorsy stuff, and to wrassle.”

So what attracted me to him?  There’s nothing feminine or girly about him physically.  Aside from being a male nurse, he’s a fairly butch guy, in that nerdy caffeinated gamer kind of way.  My ex-husband was and is a great guy.  He’s kind, funny, smart, and sensitive.  But why did I first want to make out with him?

I’ve never had a good solid answer to this question until recently, but it turns out that it’s all because of his facial hair.  While discussing our mutual man-crush on Robert Downey Jr., a fellow lesbian pointed out the following:  “I think a man with a goatee looks like he has a vagina sitting right up on his face.” 

My ex-husband, as it turns out, has had a goatee since we first met in high school.  Interestingly, the only time I can ever recall him shaving his goatee was to dress as Dr. Frank N. Furter to attend a midnight showing of Rocky Horror.  (I, of course, went as Eddie, complete with mutton chop sideburns.)    

I had never thought of facial hair in this way before, but now I can think of nothing else.  This even explains my attraction to Eddie Izzard, who is either in women’s clothing or has a goatee.  I’ve been reading up on how women feel about beards to see if this relates to the possible lesbian fascination with facial hair.  I read one article that suggests that women prefer men with light beards or stubble, as opposed to clean shaven or bushy bearded.  I completely agree with that, for both facial and pubic hair.  Hair is a signifier of maturity and adulthood, both on faces and vaginas.  That’s why I’m not a fan of the clean-shaven, pre-pubescent look on either, and no wants to go searching for lips through a Grizzly Adams beard/bush.       

I have now seen my relationship with my ex-husband through a new lens; I was his starter boyfriend and his goateed face was my starter vagina.  Isn’t that romantic?