Yesterday, my friend Emily and I had a cat-centric conversation, as we are wont to do.
Emily: Happy National Cat Day!
Me: Yes!
Emily: We should get to stay home and play with our pets today!
Me: Maybe we should claim cats as our religion?
Emily: YES!!
Me: I mean, like God (and Santa), my cats watch everything I do. And they judge me.
Emily: HAHAHAHAHA
After searching for my own personal pet and savior for years, I have finally come to accept the godly qualities of my beloved Felis catus. For instance, Felis catus:
1) is ever-present and watchful
2) passes judgment
3) behaves in strange and mysterious ways
4) often makes its presence known in the dark quiet of the night
5) inconsistently responds to supplication
6) kills indiscriminately
7) demands offerings and unquestioning devotion
8) provides comfort and solace in times of distress.
I hereby proclaim myself a faithful Feliscatusian. My primary worship activities shall include napping, eating, and licking. All new converts shall receive a ceremonial catnip sachet.
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