Goblin Hands

I have a thing for hands.  They're one of the first features I notice on a person, which may be why I've recently noticed that Dolly Parton is trying hard to hide her goblin hands from public view.

What are goblin hands, you ask?  Our hands age.  As we get old, our hands get bigger, wrinkle and develop age spots.  For most folks, this normal hand aging is barely noticeable, as the aged hands match the person's aged face and body.  But, women who nip and tuck the age and wrinkles from the rest of their faces and bodies are often left with aged hands, that, in comparison to their otherwise surgically taut skin, look like goblin hands.  I assume it's difficult if not impossible to give hands a proper skin-tightening lift without leaving a person's hands completely immobile. 

So what's a heavily nipped and tucked gal, such as Dolly, to do?  The answer, apparently, is fingerless gloves and elongated sleeves to cover the goblin hands.  I first noticed the gloves when Dolly was on The Daily Show promoting Joyful Noise last week.  Then, when I saw Joyful Noise yesterday, I noticed that Dolly's hands were covered in every single scene in which you could see her hands.

Below you'll find several examples of Dolly's attempt to obscure her old hands:

Breakin' It Down with Butchy: Digital Penetration

I tend to have lots of unusual conversations with people, and I often get asked interesting questions.  I think this happens for three reasons. 

1)      No topic is taboo with me, so folks tend to feel comfortable asking me questions about anything and everything.

2)      Folks somehow get the perhaps misguided impression that I know lots of things. 

3)      I’m fairly good at breaking information down for people.

With that said, let me tell you about a recent conversation I had over lunch.  Consider this the inaugural issue of “Breakin’ It Down with Butchy.”

During lunch, ‘Abby’, who is a bit older than I am, started asking me questions about social media and networking.  Specifically, she had questions about Twitter, tweets, and hashtags.  I explained to the best of my ability, given that I’m actually not a huge fan of Twitter and rarely use my Twitter account.

“Ok,” she said, “That makes sense.  But now I have another question for you.” 

I waited for her question, anticipating another technology thread.

Abby continued, “I keep reading about this criminal trial, and the newspapers keep using the same phrase about another crime the alleged perpetrator committed.  They keep stating that he ‘digitally penetrated’ a baby in a diaper.”

At first, I thought she was commenting on the horror that someone would do such a thing to an infant, but then I realized she was interpreting ‘digitally’ as technology-related.

“Abby,” I began softly.  “That just means he……fingered a baby.”

“Oh my God!” Abby exclaimed.  “I kept seeing digitally and never connected it to digits.  I had no idea what he might have done.”

So, let’s review that break down --

Digital penetration is:

·         The act of inserting a finger (or toe) into something or someone

Digital penetration sounds like but is not:

·         Sticking your iPod into something or someone

·         Violating someone with a webcam

·         Forcing a baby to use technology against his or her will

·         Full-body scans at the airport



Digital penetration?