What Kind of Sex Do YOU Have?

“So….. What kind of sex do you have?”

I get this question on a fairly regular basis.  I’m not sure if other lesbians get this question a lot, but I think the universal curiosity is there.  Maybe I get it more than most because I am so unashamed when it comes to discussing sexual matters.  Or maybe I get it a lot because people want to know how a fat lesbian has sex.  Either way, let’s talk about lesbian sex.

The sex question typically comes from two types of people:  the obnoxious straight guy, or the drunken straight girl.  For both, the question they really want to ask (and sometimes do) is this:  “So, which one of you wears the strap-on dick?” 

When I get the “What kind of sex do you have?” questions, I have two answers.  The first is the answer I say out loud, and the second is my real answer.  Let’s explore my spoken response first.

So, what kind of sex do you have?

Well, really, we lesbians have the same kinds of sex everyone else has, both penetrative and non-penetrative.  There’s manual stimulation (rubbing, with hands or other body parts), oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex.

Here’s the problem.  Culturally, when someone says sex, we think penis-in-vagina (or, in the case of two men, penis-in-anus).  Although straight couples engage in penetrative vaginal (and anal) sex, this type of penetrative sex isn’t the only kind of sex they have.  Gay men, too, engage in penetrative anal sex, but not exclusively or even primarily.  Despite this reality, penis-in-something is considered the gold standard of sex, or real sex. 

Despite the fact that lesbians don’t have penises, we still manage to have sex.  Sometimes that involves inserting something into the vagina (or anus), but not exclusively or primarily.  The kind of sex lesbians have hinges largely on the likes and dislikes of the two unique lesbians engaging in coitus together, just as is the case with straight folks and gay men. 

I once had a straight guy concede that lesbians could have sex despite our lack of penis, but he was adamant that lesbians cannot fuck.  Fucking, in his mind, requires a dick and is something only a man can do.  This, of course, is utter bullshit.

Which brings me to my real response to the question….

So, what kind of sex do you have?

Better sex than you, most likely. 

Despite all of the myths and misconceptions about lesbian bed death, research has long supported that lesbians have better sex than straight women, though some studies suggest that sex happens less often among lesbians.  Research has shown that lesbians:

·         Are more likely to kiss during sex

·         Report greater satisfaction with sex

·         Engage in longer sexual encounters

·         Are more aroused during sex (measuring lubrication as a sign of arousal)

·         Report fewer sexual problems (related to orgasm, lubrication, and guilt)

·         Are 25-50% more likely to achieve orgasm during sex than heterosexual women

See, lesbians just do it better.

And this may explain why it’s obnoxious straight men and drunken straight women who always ask me details about lesbian sex.  It may just be that obnoxious straight men secretly fear that they can’t really please a woman, and drunken straight women secretly long for better sex.

So, here’s my advice.  Rather than focusing on what my people do sexually, focus on your own sex, and the pleasure of your own partner.  Then you won’t have to worry about what I’m doing (perhaps with your unsatisfied partner).