The 12 Steps of Chick-fil-A.A.

Today I was talking to a friend, and he mentioned how this whole Chick-fil-A thing is so pervasive in the current public dialog.  He mentioned being at an A.A. meeting during the past week and how the first 10 minutes of the meeting was discussion about Chick-fil-A.  My instantaneous response was:  “What?  Did they think it was a Chick-fil-A.A. meeting?”

And then this silly joke of mine got me to thinking.  As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I think there are plenty of people who love both Chick-fil-A and gays.  How can we expect these homophiles to give up their Chick-fil-A cold-turkey?  In my attempt to help those poor lost souls, I offer help via a new 12 step program (borrowing heavily from the tradition of A.A.):  Chick-fil-A Anonymous.

Is Chick-fil-A.A .for you?

Only you can decide whether you want to give Chick-fil-A.A. a try

We who are in Chick-fil-A.A. came because we finally gave up trying to control our destructive fast food habit.  We still hated to admit that we could never eat Chick-fil-A with a clear conscience again.  We found out that many people suffered from the same feelings of guilt and hopelessness and cognitive dissonance that we did.  We found out that we had these feelings because we had the disease of moral nihilism.  We decided to try and face up to what Chick-fil-A had done to us and our LGBT friends and family.

Here are some of the questions we tried to answer honestly.  If we answered YES to four or more questions, we were in deep trouble with our Chick-fil-A habit.  See how you do. Remember, there is no disgrace in facing up to the fact that you have a problem. 

1)     Have you ever decided to stop eating Chick-fil-A for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

2)      Do you wish people would mind their own business about your patronage of Chick-fil-A-- stop telling you what to do?

3)      Have you ever switched from one Chick-fil-A location to another in the hope that you wouldn’t run in to anyone you know?

4)      Have you had to have a trio of Chick-n-Minis upon awakening during the past year?

5)      Do you envy people who can go to Chick-fil-A and still look at themselves in the mirror?

6)      Have you had problems connected with your patronage of Chick-fil-A during the past year?

7)      Has your patronage of Chick-fil-A caused trouble at home?

8)      Do you ever try to get "extra" waffle fries at lunch because you do not get enough?

9)      Do you tell yourself you can stop eating Chick-fil-A any time you want to, even though you keep going through the drive-thru when you don't mean to?

10)   Have you ever felt that your life – and the world - would be better if you did not eat at Chick-fil-A?

Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble.  Why do we say this?  Because tens of people in Chick-fil-A.A. have said so for many days now.  They found out the truth about themselves — and Chick-fil-A -- the hard way.  But again, only you can decide whether you think Chick-fil-A.A. is for you.  Try to keep an open mind on the subject.  If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped going to Chick-fil-A ourselves.   Chick-fil-A.A. does not promise to solve your life's problems.   But we can show you how we are learning to live without Chick-fil-A "one chicken fillet at a time."  

Chick-fil-A Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from Chick-fil-A.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop eating at Chick-fil-A.  There are no dues or fees for Chick-fil-A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions.

Chick-fil-A.A. is allied with other LGBT friends and family.  Chick-fil-A.A. fully endorses equality.

Our primary purpose is to stay away from Chick-fil-A and re-align our beliefs with our consumption patterns.

The Twelve Steps of Chick-fil-A Anonymous

1)       We admitted we were powerless over our consumption and patronage of Chick-fil-A – that our habit had become undesirable to us.

2)      We came to believe that other fast-food chicken sandwiches could better serve equality.

3)      We made a decision to turn our purchasing power over to the care of gays as we understand them to be deserving of the same rights and respect as all human beings.

4)      We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5)      We admitted to Dan Cathy, to ourselves, and to a gay human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6)      We were entirely ready to remove all defects of character from our economic choices.

7)      We humbly asked Gays to forgive our short-comings.

8)      We made a list of all gay persons we had harmed by spending money at Chick-fil-A, and became willing to donate money to the Human Rights Campaign instead.

9)      We made direct amends to such gays wherever possible, except when to do so would get us glitter-bombed.

10)   We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11)   We sought through purchasing and money management to improve our conscious contact with the free market, spending only on causes that foster equality for all.

12)   Having had an awakening of social awareness and responsibility as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other gay-friendly Chick-fil-A patrons, and to practice these principles in all our financial affairs.

If you want to give Chick-fil-A.A. a try, we meet every Wednesday at 6 PM at your local Hamburger Mary’s.